How Nice People Can Master Conflict
When you�re a good person, conflict can be quite a real challenge. Not mean everyone is any better at conflict; they merely have fun with this more.
New information from Columbia University shows that the method that you handle conflict could make or break your employment. They measured something scientifically that lots of us have observed firsthand-people who are too aggressive incompatible situations harm their performance by upsetting and alienating their peers, while those people who are too passive at handling conflict hinder their capability to succeed in cause real progress.
The key to effective handling of conflict is assertiveness-that delicate place where you get the needs met without bullying the other person into submission. Assertive people strike a careful balance between passivity and aggression (that's, they never lean too much in both direction).
How to deal with Conflict Assertively
It�s an easy task to think that nice people are too passive. While that�s often true, unchecked passivity can boil over into aggression. So there a variety of good people out there who may have exhibited both extremes with the assertiveness spectrum.
Being assertive, you need to learn to participate in healthy conflict. Healthy conflict directly and constructively addresses the issue taking place without ignoring or trivializing the requirements of either party. The techniques that follow you can get there.
Consider the repercussions of silence. Sometimes it�s difficult to muster the motivation to talk up in the event the chances are high high that things will turn ugly. The fastest strategy to motivate yourself to do something is always to fully look at the costs of not speaking up-they�re typically much larger these days standing up for yourself. The trick is you have to shift your attention out of the headache that may have getting involved to all of the items you stand to gain from your assertiveness.
Say �and� instead of �but.� The easy act of replacing the term �but� with �and� makes conflict a lot more constructive and collaborative. Say, for example, that the teammate John would like to utilize the most of your allowance over a strategy, but you�re worried that doing this won�t leave enough money for any critical new hire. Rather than saying, �I see that you wish to make use of the money for marketing, however think we need to come up with a new hire,� say �I notice that you would like to utilize money for marketing, and I think we should instead create a new hire.� The real difference is subtle, but the first sentence minimizes the need for his idea. The 2nd sentence states the issue as you see it, without devaluing his idea, which then opens some misconception for discussion. Saying �and� makes the other party feel as if you�re dealing with them, rather than against them.
Use hypotheticals. When you assert yourself, you don�t wish it to look like you�re poking holes within their idea (even though you may are). Hypotheticals will be the perfect way to pull this off. Telling someone, for example, �Your new product idea won�t work since you overlooked the way the sales force operates� discovers considerably more aggressively than suggesting the hypothetical, �How do you think our sales team will go about selling this awesome?� If you notice a flaw and offer a hypothetical, you�re engaging using the original idea and providing another party an opportunity to let you know how it could work. This shows that you�re ready to hear the other person out.
Don�t speak in absolutes (�You Always� or �You Never.�) Nobody always or never does anything. People don�t see themselves as one-dimensional, which means you shouldn�t try to define them as such. By using these phrases during conflict makes people defensive and closed on your message. Instead, mention what are the other individual did that�s an issue in your case. Adhere to the facts. When the frequency from the behavior is a concern, it's possible to say, �It may seem like you are doing this often.� or �You do this often enough for me to notice.�
Ask good questions unless you get to the heart from the matter. Failing to see the motive behind someone�s behavior throws fuel on the fire of conflict, since it makes everything they certainly appear foolish and shortsighted. Rather than pointing out flaws, you need to attempt to understand the place that the one else is coming from. Try asking good questions, like Why did you decide to do it that way? Exactly what do you mean by that? and will you help me to understand this better? Even if you don�t see eye to eye, using inquiries to reach the underlying motive builds trust and understanding, because both versions are conflict killers.
If you challenge, offer solutions. People don�t like it whenever they feel as though you�re trying to take apart their idea from the very beginning. When you challenge someone�s idea, but also provide a solution, you demonstrate that you would like to work together to get a fix. This reinforces the value of their idea, even though it�s brimming with holes. For instance, somehow �One potential problem i see with your idea is ___. However, I do think we can easily overcome this concern when we can easily find a way to___.� In this example, you aren�t even providing the solution. You�re just acknowledging that you�re prepared to communicate to locate one.
Bringing It All Together
Mastering conflict requires emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent people understand how to craft their message within a conflict, whether they�re naturally assertive or otherwise. They take other people�s feelings into consideration while still asserting themselves confidently.